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 THIS IS FLIPPIN FUSTRATING!

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afsangel
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PostSubject: THIS IS FLIPPIN FUSTRATING!   Mon Mar 16, 2009 11:03 am

let's get a few things steight people:

1: i do not think i am the boss of gothic or her charas

2: the reason i act 'mean' to her is only becuase of the way she acts towrds me!! don't make me look like the flippin' bad guy here and make everybody feel bad for you!!! it's really irritating!!

i'm not usually a mean person, (unless it comes to my brother. i'm working on that though) but i do have a short temper!! and when someone pushes the right buttons, i'll flip out! and gothic, u hit those buttons one to many times! i'm SICK OF IT so unless we can resolve this thing peacefully please don't talk to me so we can go on with our lives without this issue to deal with


Last edited by afsangel on Mon Mar 16, 2009 7:15 pm; edited 6 times in total
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gothica800
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PostSubject: Re: THIS IS FLIPPIN FUSTRATING!   Mon Mar 16, 2009 11:41 am

"You wanna make topic about this okay, just know that venus rose is probably gonna close it the second she sees it, and besides if you say you're not in charge of nick, why would you yell at me for making the possibility that he's alive!"
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afsangel
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PostSubject: Re: THIS IS FLIPPIN FUSTRATING!   Mon Mar 16, 2009 7:04 pm

*sighs fustrated* i already said i was sorry about that. and if you're so ticked off with me being here, go ahead and report me to venus, tell her how 'mean' i was to you. have her kick me off. but what good will that do eh? what will that solve?
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PostSubject: Re: THIS IS FLIPPIN FUSTRATING!   Mon Mar 16, 2009 8:17 pm

Making each other feel bad and yelling at each other on a public thread is not the best way to solve your problems. Now, obviously there was a miscommunication somewhere along the line, so maybe you guys could work it out on PM? Public threads for trying to resolve a conflict is really not a good way to handle things. In fact, it tends to make things worse.

Maybe a neutral mediator could help? Someone like Venus or Red who can just help you guys work through this?

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gothica800
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PostSubject: Re: THIS IS FLIPPIN FUSTRATING!   Mon Mar 16, 2009 8:50 pm

"already tried pming."
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PostSubject: Re: THIS IS FLIPPIN FUSTRATING!   Mon Mar 16, 2009 8:51 pm

OK, so, try the mediation plan. There's no reason to hash it out publicly, where feelings can get hurt way more easily. OK?

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gothica800
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PostSubject: Re: THIS IS FLIPPIN FUSTRATING!   Mon Mar 16, 2009 8:52 pm

"i have stinkin' AMP meditiation won't work?"
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PostSubject: Re: THIS IS FLIPPIN FUSTRATING!   Mon Mar 16, 2009 8:53 pm

fish .3.
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gothica800
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PostSubject: Re: THIS IS FLIPPIN FUSTRATING!   Mon Mar 16, 2009 8:53 pm

"shut up kazume!"
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PostSubject: Re: THIS IS FLIPPIN FUSTRATING!   Mon Mar 16, 2009 8:57 pm

Not MEDITATION, MEDIATION. XD. It's when someone sits down and supervises, tries to keep things calm.

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PostSubject: Re: THIS IS FLIPPIN FUSTRATING!   Mon Mar 16, 2009 8:58 pm

"{not too good at that either, my patience isn't my vertue."
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PostSubject: Re: THIS IS FLIPPIN FUSTRATING!   Mon Mar 16, 2009 9:05 pm

Well, that's what I'm here for, I guess. XD

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afsangel
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PostSubject: Re: THIS IS FLIPPIN FUSTRATING!   Mon Mar 16, 2009 9:06 pm

did u now you rvoilent words actually hurt me alot? (not really) T_T *eats popcorn* (i stole that from a book)
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PostSubject: Re: THIS IS FLIPPIN FUSTRATING!   Mon Mar 16, 2009 9:15 pm

This topic needs to stop, okay? Really, guys, this isnt helping one little bit.

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PostSubject: Re: THIS IS FLIPPIN FUSTRATING!   Mon Mar 16, 2009 9:18 pm

k
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Rosette
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PostSubject: Re: THIS IS FLIPPIN FUSTRATING!   Mon Mar 16, 2009 11:29 pm

I've seen this sort of thing before.

I wasn't as active last month when this happened and I will be open to both of your opinions, because like my example above, there is no bad guy. Mis-communication can lead to a sort of argument no matter what type of person you are. And it can turn out worst than we ever intended. Even two best friends can argue because there was slight mis-communication.

An example is the friend I have for 9 years. We had a heated argument just from a regular chat through an instant messenger. But we got to the root of the problem explaining the exact time and what the other person said that made us feel like we did.
-I explained to my friend that "this message she sent made it sound like she was right and I was wrong"
-Friend says she was just voicing an opinion but she respected what my opinion was. And that opinion she had was what she thought.
-I said that she could have communicated that better because it looks like she said "I am wrong and she was right"
-She realizes that the tone got lost in the text pm, and I read it with a different intent. And we just explain. It gets solved

Text communication (without voices or a face to talk to) can lead to this quite often. The other person may see an "angry" or "bossy" tone when the other person only said those words with a friendly, joking tone.

Another example is from another forum I use to be an administrator at (I'll make it nameless to respect the names of the staff members there).

Two other admins (admin #1 and admin #2) who are very kind but have different opinions on how to run things, and can be very understanding to me and other members...

But along the line there was some sort of miscommunication.
-Admin #1 comes up with an idea, asks Admin #2.
-Admin #2 comes up with an opinion or suggestion that he thinks should be changed for that idea.
-Admin #1 sees it as some sort of threat to his character, or feels he is being bossed around.
-Admin#1 defends himself with hurt emotions, voicing his opinion, but at the same time doesn't talk about those new suggestions. Also because he is hurt...he swore a few times in the pms to show how hurt he felt.
-Admin #2 Sees those hurt emotions replies as a violent display because of the swear words. Thinking that Admin #2's intention of not talking about the new suggestions is Admin #2's way of saying "I'll do what I want! I don't take orders from you! I won't listen to these new ideas!"

From there, it was almost a never ending battle. Because that happened, both sides actually "attacked each other through pms" instead of listening to each other on why they are hurt. They are only defending themselves because they don't want to listen because of the fear of "being wrong". If this is happening, just remember that no one is wrong.

They both tell me what happened. They both have their side of the story. Both sides are true, both sides make sense. But the root of that anger, sadness and hurt was because they both read each other's messages differently than how it was written, and thinking there was different intentions behind those messages, aka, mis-communication.

Because they are staff members, it sparked up a terrible argument that actually jeopardized the community in which they did not intend it to happen. I'm telling you this because they could have both been very good friends, but after they got off in that argument, and with those hurt feelings, there was no turning back because they now refuse to listen to the other side of the story.

Now their friendship is dead. If they sit and listen no matter how hurt we are, everything will still be fine instead of firing back hurt feelings (which can spark insults in which they didn't mean to do in the beginning). Hurt and anger may still be around but as we listen, and are willing to listen, this can be solved and time will heal your wounds. We can both listen to each other.

What they said was seen differently by the other person, and they couldn't voice exactly what they mean during the crucial moment. And there was miscommunication almost 50% of the time.

I lock these topics because these topics aren't suppose to be public, as they are personally based on feelings that can be hurt and possibly judged by other members (in a bad way possibly). It's not intended to be rude to you as an individual, it's meant to protect you and the rest of the members. You're both not at fault, and I can understand that you may feel you're at fault. There's no need to feel hated as I do know how it feels.

Summary: Tone and intentions in a message can be lost and mis-read easily through online text and discussions. That is where the "she was bossy to me" feeling was felt in which was not intended. We can still repair this as long as you both want to try. It's up to you two. I will help if you two want to pm me exactly what happened, and your side of the story. I will probably see where it went wrong and just know that it doesn't have to end up in more sadness. The story examples above are what turned out well, and how wrong it can turn out.

I will lock this now.

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